MCI - Retards or Just Idiots?

No wonder MCI is bankrupt! We cancelled service back in May when we left DC. Should have been simple right? Not with MCI! Although they had the new LA address, they somehow had no notification that we were cancelling service, although we were moving across country. And while they call us pretty much EVERY NIGHT to see if we want to switch to MCI Long Distance out here, they are STILL billing the east coast number. A month ago we thought this was all sorted out, they had billed us and wanted to send us to collections, we spent an hour on the phone with the customer service people (that's a joke in itself) and thought it was done. No, we get another bill today, another hour on the phone and certainly no indication that with MCI "the customer is always right." Maybe they are all retarded idiots?

Comcast keeps sending bills as well, but at least when you call them, they know what's going on and know it's in error. Yes, as strange as it may seem Comcast has it's shit together (well, sort of).

CelebFlash: Saw the gay Asian nurse from ER, Gedde Watanabe, in the Target parking lot. Yep, that's a real big one!

CELEBFLASH: Who knew?

It's been a tad slow on the celebrity scene here in LA... it must be those lazy summer months where everyone who's anyone is stuck out in Malibu (it may be pretty but the traffic... OMG!). That said I have been working out right next to Blue Blake and The Sopranos' Jackie , Jr. and I didn't even know it.

Now Jackie, Jr., or rather Jason Cerbone, is really really hot. He is much more built than when he was on the show and has fantastic arms! I thought he looked familiar, but I just assumed he was just another DC transplant. How wrong was I?

Blue Blake on the other hand, may be some big ex-porn star turned producer, but I think he's single-handily trying to bring back "short-shorts" (and I've seen several examples of this horror since being here).

On the me front, I did have an interview today. I think I want the job, so that probably means someone better will come in and snatch it from me. I'll let you know!

CELEBFLASH: John Kesler Update!

Forget the Six Degrees thingy... I was just introudced to him... I did everything I could not to melt and I may never wash my hand again!

Chandler Bing & The Thing

Two quick Sunday night celeb sightings while we were at The Farm of Beverly Hills for dinner (BTW the very hot and hunky host/MOD goes to my gym: now I know what at least one of the 11am gym crowd does for work).

Michael Chiklis was there as we walked in, with his kids I think. He looked exactly as he does on The Shield, maybe a little chunkier (maybe he had the famous Farm brownie).


Then in strolls Matthew Perry... yes, THE Chandler Bing! No entourage, no paparazzi (I'm sure Jen would have had some), no friends at all it seemed. Was he eating alone? Would he be eating enough for two? It sure looked as if he had been (obviously he's off the drugs again).

CelebFlash: At last my first Blowout stylist, no not Jonathan, Alyn, the one who didn't get to "do fabulous hair" on Arrested Development's Maeby.

Venice, CA: Muscle Beach

Cary took me to the Firehouse for lunch again yesterday. The place was crazy busy, and the poor pregnant waitress had too much running around to do in this current Californian "Heatwave" we're having (Note to the East Coast: This ain't nothing! These people are wimps!).

While eating my egg white omelet I saw... Mike Ergas (pictured left) who was obviously in a "bulking" mode, Tom Prince, Bob Cicherillo (the guy from 30 Days), Mike Morris (again), Gunther Schlierkamp... none of whom I would expect anyone else to have heard of.

Also there however was porn star (now "fitness model") Rob Sager (nee Brett Mycles) and Rusty Jeffers (nee Colt's Carl Hardwick, current pic right). Both of whom were very hot in person and both are actually "gay-for-pay" guys (not being into porn myself, this was discovered doing the research for this entry - I naturally assumed they were just "big girls"). Rusty is another one of those Iconmen and really really needed a good back wax!

Bounty Select-A-Size

I really hate the "select-a-size" Bounty! No matter how big a section you want, it ALWAYS tears off at the smaller piece. I like big pieces of kitchen paper (the true term for 'paper towels').

I would have bought the Brawny paper, but I am boycotting them. I cannot stand the Brawny Man in their new ads, Robert Amstler. If you remember, he was the really weird one (not least because of his faux Austrian accent) on the reality show Cupid from a couple of seasons ago. The guy was just a complete moron, embarrassing to watch, and NOT that attractive in my mind.

A quick "six degrees" thingy here: My friend in NYC, well his friend knows him or something. Amstler also works for Iconmen, as does John Kesler (we'll assume they've never actually met and so add an extra 'degree' in there). So, I'm only 4 degrees from John Kesler! I REALLY LUV HIM!

And for those wondering: Yes, Famke was out again at the park... leering at me through her horn rimmed dark specs. It's beginning to make me quite uncomfortable!

Famke Janssen - Quit following me!

I looked, and smelt, like a hippo today!

After a weekend of heavy drinking, the remaining alcohol in my system continued to seep out of my pores all morning. Unfortunately, I was at the gym, and though I looked sorta super cute (a grey-green combo, who knew), I could barely stand my own funk. On top of that I forgot my towel (see previous post on LA's lack of gym towel service), and therefore dripped all over the place. Yes, what a great start to the week!

Fast forward to the end of the day, and I'm supposed to be having a quiet afternoon in the park with the pup. But damn that Famke Janssen, she's stalking me! The dark glasses don't fool her, and the "Hassan" beard (which has actually turned out pretty OK) ain't working either. I can't seem to loose this chick. What's next, Kathy Griffin clamoring for my autograph? John Kesler asking for workout tips? Damn this WeHo/celebrity lifestyle!

HOT DAMN! John Kesler!

John Kesler....
The most beautiful man I have ever seen! (Yes, I love my gym!)

He's not my normal cup of tea, a little too pretty, but in person he just... well... these pics don't actually do him justice.

I might have to go buy his DVD!

And, apparently, this is him as well...

What did you do today?

Another day (like any other these days)...

While making my morning shake, I slice my finger on the yogurt pot lid. I need a Looney Toons band-aid to stop the blood from gushing everywhere.

I take the puppy for his morning walk. No Caesar sightings at all this week. Very disappointed. I should have chit chatted with him last week when I had the chance.

Every morning we walk pass Jonathan "I have a barcode" Antin's WeHo salon (from Bravo's Blowout). I still have not spied Jonathan or any of the stylists. Yes, I'm really bummed!

Time for the gym. Leaving the house always takes forever now that I've got to gate up the pup, get together all my gym stuff, keys, etc. Then it's a quick drive over to Gold's (Top Tip, as once uttered by Liz Taylor, always "Take Fountain").

Today's celeb sighting - Erica Gimpel, yes THE Coco Hernandez from Fame! She was just finishing up some class as I came upstairs for cardio. I did an ungodly hour today (it's usually just 20 minutes), sweat like a pig, but didn't stink!

Once I'm back home, I have to inject the testosterone stuff into my thigh. I've still got a bruise from Monday's jab. I really can't believe I'm comfortable stabbing myself with a needle.

It's also time for the weekly head shave! I've also attempting a facial hair change. I wanted to model it on my new favorite WWE wrestler, the super-hot Muhammed Hassan. It's not working that well however. I might have to go back to the plain goatee. Maybe it's because I just don't have his pecs (and yes, he deserves 2 pics in one post)!

Then there's an afternoon of a whole lot of NUTHIN! Well, some job searching; some TiVo watching; some playing with the pup.

Another walk, another protein shake, and come dinner time the healthy turkey cutlet spinach salad I was going to make turns into turkey cutlets and chips (and I spent an hour doing cardio why?).

Brian gets back from his work event earlier than expected, so we watch Big Brother 6 and then Monday's 2-hour Hell's Kitchen (and you're telling me The Apprentice was nominated for an Emmy over this PHENOMENAL show).

And that's my day... really busy... really interesting... top that!

Stinky Blue Cheese

For some reason I stank at the gym today. Don't ask me why, maybe the testosterone injections are kicking in and it's some strange side effect (or maybe it's 'cos I didn't shower this morning).

Anyways, the regular (beautiful) crew was there: Colton Ford, The Gorilla, Number 12... though Big Yeller was conspicuous by his absence.

Now, other than Colton (who was singing to himself - probably in preparation for some very special celebrity appearance) no one out there knows who these guys are. You see, back in the day at Results, Kentio, Carleton and I came up with names for pretty much everyone there (at least anyone who made some sort of impression on us). For example there was Super-Hot-Neck-Down, Carleton's Boy, Stupid2, Ugly Boy, Muscles & Shaggy (which became known citywide), Thor, etc. etc. All very Broken Hearts Club of us (you remember the Idaho Boy comment don't you?), HOWEVER we did it first, and we did it better!!!

I bring this all up because I need a gym buddy! Brian decided to go to the 24 Hour Fitness down on Santa Monica (which is closer, but cruddier - it was Gym 2 in Gymboree!), and Gold's does not have a weekend pass system or anything of that ilk. I'm pretty good at working out by myself and I can push myself real well (apart from the whole 'doing abs' thing), but I do like to chit chat! People don't stand around gossiping at Gold's like they did at Results. They seem friendly enough, but so many of the boys have trainers (the Gorilla, a trainer, is there no matter what time I go), and anyway I find it hard making crappy gym small talk. Basically, I'm no Walker, so... Walker, if you want to come for a week or so? You can do your thing at the gym, and them I'll be set by the time you leave! I'll even spring for the daily shake from Extreme Blendz - the Mocha Meltdown, which I had today, made me weep.

LA Obs

I've been here now well over a month, so here are some 'things' I've observered so far...

Californians cannot drive (and that's compared to the diplomats in DC)
Is this because they are always eating, talking on the phone (not handsfree), or simply one of those minority groups that everyone knows can't drive? I don't know, but here I'm a GREAT driver. Scary, ain't it?

When you Mapquest, multiply the drive time by a factor of 3
Make that x10 during rush hours.

If it's 3 blocks away, why walk when you can drive
And yet...

Bodyfat is scarce, being overly tan is not
It may be just around the WeHo, Beverly Hills, and west side areas, but everyone has a 6-pack and that little vein on their arm which pops ever so. And yet, there are more burger joints and diners than any other city I've been.

There's a LOT of REALLY bad hair
Maybe they are all hoping to get wisked off the streets by stylists in training (a la Blowout).

Straight men are hotter than the gay guys
But it is so hard to tell who is what out here.

Everyone looks so familiar
Maybe they've been coffee swilling extras in Central Perk or played Nosey Neighbour #2 on Wisteria Lane. There are also a lot of DC transplants out here.

Fantastic!

We saw Fantastic 4 over the weekend at The Grove. Not only did I thoroughly enjoy the flick, despite mediocre reviews, but both Brian and I are now totally in love with Chris Evans, pictured here. They somehow contrived to have him shirtless for the majority of the first half of the movie (Christian Bale's chiseled chest was only glimpsed at in Batman Begins). Is this the first comic book flick to truly lure women and gay men (rather than the usual geeky fanboys & teen boys) into the theaters?

Chris enticed us in, but the movie wasn't bad at all! The dialogue may have been a little stilted, the story a little too slow and tired, but on the whole it was a good, enjoyable, first pass... this type of flick requires that it set up the origins of the characters, their relationships with one another, the development of their nemesis, and all that other 1st act story arc stuff! I am totally looking forward to a sequel, or two, and certainly a lot more of shirtless Chris!!!

Jean Grey, Dracula & More Minor Celebs

So, I'm at Hart dog park on De Longore last Thursday evening. The crew is somewhat smaller than normal, but there is this really talk chick in big dark glasses, hovering over in the back corner. She’s acting a tad shady, but there's something strangely familiar about her. As I get closer and proceed with the normal nonchalant "Heh!" I suddenly realize that I’m talking to an X-Men! Famke Janssen, telepath Jean Grey in the movies, is making doggie small talk with me. Her Boston Terrier, Licorice, takes a liking to me and Bentley, we play stick, and all the while I so totally want to gush, to just acknowledge who she is, and say I loved her as Ava in Nip/Tuck.

So, we're all standling around, watching the pups, and out of the Hart house trundles Oscar Winner, Martin Landau - the guy from Space 1999 for god's sake! Now, I'm floored and pretty damn star struck, but Bentley, naturally, bounds into the house, passed Martin, forcing me to barge passed everyone and shoo him out. "Good dog," says Martin, "He knows 'out'."

So my question of the day is: What is the proper etiquette with these people? Do you pretend not to know them and just talk small talk? Do you gush and feed their egos with how good they are in this or that? Do we ask the hot guy at the gym if that was him in the Diet Pepsi: Ladies Man ad with Cindy Crawford (Brian is convinced it is!)? Should I ask Colton Ford to sign Brian's copy of Bearing Leather the next time I see him at Gold's?

Roid Rage!

I think I mentioned that I got strep throat in my first week here, I had to go to the doctor, he gave me antibiotics, Brian thought I was playing up, I got the runs, etc. etc. Well, anyways, the doc wanted me to come back in to do some blood work, and today, I went in again for the results...

...and everything’s pretty much fine, I mean my DHEA is a touch low and my bad cholesterol is a tad high, but that could all be because my TESTOSTERONE count is at rock bottom lows!!! When he told me, I felt like he kicked me in the nuts - but that really wouldn't have made a difference would it? It's not like I'm shooting blanks or anything, but it could definitely explain why I've been getting tired more quickly and my sex drive has diminished over the past few months. He explained that low testosterone can lead to problems like osteoporosis, even Alzheimer’s, and of course, a reduction in lean muscle mass!!! Shock! Horror!

Unfortunately then, to combat this, he's prescribing me roids!!! Oh dear! How awful! Legal steroids. A tragedy! How will I cope? I'm gonna have my own little 6-week mini cycle with no PCT needed! I'll be hitting the weights hard I can tell you... I can't wait!!!

But in the meantime, straight after this, I went to the gym. And although I saw Lee Tergesen pumping some serious iron (Beecher in OZ - where's Chris Meloni when you need him?) I felt like I had this "Low Test" sign plastered all over my face and shirt. The big boyz could sense I wasn't "all man" and I was going to be dropped kicked out of Gold's: Hollywood by nancy-boy Adam.

Of course, that didn't happen. I did arms. Got a serious pump. Had my shake, and there you have it. It's the Dancing with the Stars finale tonight, so I'll "girl out" then. I'm still smarting over the fact that Rachel Hunter got eliminated early and unjustly!!!

Do the D!

So we still haven't seen Rachel Hunter up at Runyon, but last night we did bump into Kathy Griffin and Mark Feuerstein.

Now everyone knows Kathy from the legendary sitcom Suddenly Susan, as well as her numerous appearances on Hollywood Squares and Celebrity Mole. Bentley was all over her, bouncing up and down to lick the chemical peel stuff off her face. In our brief interaction Kathy seemed very genuine and down to earth, and she thought Bentley was adorable... but then again, who doesn't?

You will have noticed that Kathy has her own 'official' website. Poor Mark does not. I know you're all thinking, I know the name, but can't picture the face! Who the hell is he? Where's the link so I don't have to bother googling him myself? Mark is that cute short sitcom guy, with the sexy nasally voice, who dies in the bike accident at the beginning of either Practical Magic or Woman on Top or something similar. I know you want to go google him... go on now and have a good Independence Day - Bah! Humbug! It's not my holiday!