All Hallow's Eve vs. Guy Fawkes

Halloween may very well be my least favourite holiday, if you can even call it a holiday. Really it's nothing more than a "Hallmark Holiday" but without the cards. From crazy costumes to plastic grave stones, glow-in-dark skeletons and all that other crap we're encouraged to spend our hard earned cash on. Come on people candy corn is even nastier than those marshmallow Peeps things at Easter!

When I was a kid in England, Halloween always played second fiddle to Bonfire Night, alternatively known as Guy Fawkes Night. You may even have occasionally heard the rhyme:

Remember, remember, the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot;
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

It was our night for fireworks, sparklers and toffee apples!

No need to dress up, other than warmly. No need to recreate the Village People or those Desperate Housewives. No need to wear some skimpy costume that shows off your chiseled abs and bulging bis. And most notably, no monkey masks (the girls and I were the "See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil" chimps, or monkeys, or whatever they are, today at work).

Just standing there, enthralled as the Guy (dressed in your dad's old clothes) bursts into flames atop the bonfire. Sparklers in hand. Biting into sizzling hotdogs and gooey toffee apples. Watching those burning embers at the end of the evening and trying to find that last piece of wood to throw on the fire and make it last just that little bit longer.

Good, simple times!

Claim #80205: The "Missing" Phone

Maarco and Associates
P.O. Box 6398
Woodland Hills, CA 91365
Attn: Claim Division

Re: Claim # 80205

To Whom It May Concern:

Yesterday evening, Wednesday, October 18, 2006, at approximately 7:45pm/8:00pm we handed over our car, a white Nissan Altima (valet check # 037423) to the California Parking Systems valet people at Joseph’s Café, located at 1775 North Ivar Avenue, Hollywood, CA 90028.

When we picked up the car, at approximately 11:00pm, and upon driving away we found that a blue cell phone (a Sanyo 2300), which we had placed under the passenger seat, was missing. We immediately returned to the valet to ask if a cell phone had been “handed in” (nothing had) and then filled out the appropriate claim form.

I work in the Special Events department at Spago Beverly Hills and deal with the people of Valet Parking Services all the time, so to have this happen is very saddening and disturbing. I will now be without a phone for several days until I purchase and reactivate a new one. All my numbers are lost, and the whole matter is a great and costly inconvenience!

Please let me know how we proceed with this matter. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Matt Harrington

cc: Robert & Joseph Abrahamian, Owners, Joseph’s Cafe

Christmas Comes Very Early!

During one of the Today Show's commercial breaks this morning, Monday, October 23, I saw my first holiday commercial (and by "holiday" I of course mean "Christmas," and even I have succumbed to the the PC pressures of the American people and no longer call Christmas "Christmas").

Those Coffee-Mate people from Nestle are now introducing this year's "special edition" seasonal flavours (Gingerbread, Eggnog, Pumpkin Spice and Peppermint Mocha). Hence the commercial.

It being a chilly 70 plus degrees here in Southern California it's certainly time to think about snuggling up in front of the fire with a steaming gingerbread flavoured cup o' joe.

Target and Rite Aid have both already started stocking for the holidays (ornaments, cards and lights abound - I'm looking for purple lights if anyone can help), so I'm sure the commercials aren't too far behind!!!

Goodbye Sarah Jane!

Battlestar Galactica may be the best show on TV (that no one’s watching), but the real reason to stay home on a Friday night (or at least set your Tivos) is the new season of British cult classic Doctor Who.

The Doctor regenerated at the end of last season from the quirky leather-jacketed Christopher Eccleston to the "geek chic" styling and pinstripe suit wearing David Tennant. Tennant’s 10th Doctor is a little more austere and a little less fun loving that his previous couple of selves, a demeanor more reminiscent of my favorite Doc, #6, Colin Baker.

But let’s go back in time for a moment. One of my first television memories is that of the Doctor (#4, Tom Baker) leaving Sarah Jane Smith in Croydon when he is summoned back to his home world of Gallifrey. Fast forward to last Friday’s second season episode School Reunion which again reunited Sarah and the Doctor (and we learn Sarah was in fact dropped of in Aberdeen, not Croydon).

Current companion/assistant/love interest Rose is jealous of Sarah’s past relationship with the Doctor, reuminating about her role at the Doctor's side and speculating if she too will be abandoned and rejected like Sarah. Naturally the two butt heads throughout the episode until eventually realising how similar they actually are.

Returning to the role that she has embodied off and on for 30 years, Elisabeth Sladen, as Sarah Jane, brings satisfying closure to the character and her relationship with the Doctor. She finally gets to say "Goodbye," and is at last able to embrace her ordinary life. A very touching and tear emoting departure.

Yes, I squished!

(Sarah Jane will be back however, The Sarah Jane Adventures, a second Who spinoff, is set to premiere in 2007).

In other rumours, in his role as Krillitane turned Headmaster Mr. Finch, Anthony (Stewart) Head’s appearance in the series has only fueled fan speculation that he will eventually return as The Master, the Doctor’s longtime Time Lord nemesis. An inspired and perfect casting choice to be sure (and a definite improvement over Eric Roberts).

Unfortunately only time, and Russell T. Davies, will tell.

John Cena is... The Marine!

So Joe and I purchased advance tickets to ensure that we were front and center at the Arclight for the 7:25pm Friday night showing.

The Marine is the first movie to be solely developed by WWE Films (but the second to be released), and not surprisingly the company's current slate of movies all star the best and brightest of the WWE's wrestlers. With such quality backing I'm sure it shocks no-one that this flick isn't exactly Oscar material. That said, it's certainly 93 minutes of fun filled action and adventure, with an explosion of some sort every thirty seconds, so I'm sure it'll satisfy many a wrestling fan.

Sadly John is only shirtless for a fraction of the movie. However more often that not, as discharged marine John Triton, he is soaked to the skin. And my does that grey t-shirt cling perfectly to his bulging biceps and pumped pecs throughout the movie.

Though Mr. Cena gets above the line billing, main baddie Robert Patrick over acts his little black heart out, is given all the best lines (and definitely more lines), and cannily pays homage to his most famous film role, the T-1000.

Lastly there's Mrs John Triton, played by Kelly Carlson, who... well, let's just say Meryl Streep has cause for concern. You all thought Kelly's portrayal of blow-up doll creator turned Scientologist Kimber on Nip/Tuck was real acting.

But back to John, a tad monosyllabic? Sure. A little Neanderthal-esq? You could say so. Needing a little help with his emotional expressiveness.? Certainly. But at 6'1 and 240 lbs, the perfect specimen of a man? Abso-fraking-lutely!

With that faint smile and glint in his eye when he talks, and of course that phenomenal physique, well, I reckon he's got star quality. I certainly left the movie wanting much more of John!

And one last thing, take note Mr. Woo, John would make the perfect He-Man in your upcoming Masters of the Universe movie!

Are you ready for some...?

It's been 13 years and though I really still don't get America's fascination with "football", I have tried:

In '94 I got an internship in the sports department of WUSA 9, DC's CBS affiliate. I was supposed to sit there Sunday afternoons, watch the games and make note of big plays. Needless to say it was a very short lived internship.

During the 1999-2000 season I spent many a rainy Saturday afternoon watching college games, drinking beer and eating Trio pizza with then future roommate Dr. Robbie, a Notre Dame alum and ardent Fighting Irish fan. College boys in tight uniforms, that's pretty hot!

That year's Varsity Blues also found a special place in my heart, or is it really Scott Caan's marvelous ass that I remember so fondly?

And in 2002 I spent Thanksgiving in Dallas, watching the Cowboys thrash the Redskins at Texas Stadium (OK, so it was only 27-20), but as much as I loved the experience, the muscle boys performing in the Cirque du Soleil-esq. halftime show and this one particular hottie on the sideline were the ones that really held my attention.

Tonight, Wednesday, marks the season finale of MTV's Two-A-Days (though my Tivo will preempt the show and instead record Project Runway). Will the boys of Hoover High win another state championship? Will #24 Max be caught short in his skin-hugging Under Armour? And will #34 Alex take his shirt off one last time?

That entire towns can become so entrenched, besotted and only identified by their high school football teams truly amazes, fascinates, and even scares me. It makes me wonder if football is really little more than another "cult," not so unlike Scientology (or any other religion come to think of it) that people worship on Sundays, pour many billions of dollars in to, discuss and debate ad infinitum, but ultimately get very little out of.

Now these strapping young Hoover boys have finished their season, I'll tune into NBC's Friday Nights Lights to get my fix of crazy football worshipping zealots (and young actors pretending to be strapping young players), and hopefully learn more about the mindset of Middle America.

CELEBFLASH: More Muscle Buddies

Friday is leg day, quads actually, and we typically focus on those classic mass builders the leg press and hack squat, with a few hybrid calf supersets thrown in for good measure.

Last Friday's workout was the usual thigh-numbing experience (thankfully followed by a selection of tasty donuts from Winchell's), though the atypical presence of very special guest star, Jesse Metcalf, was a more than pleasant addition to the proceedings.

Now I've run into Jesse before (at the Sprint store on La Cienega where he simply signed in as "Jesse M."), but lifting next to him, I got to see just what a stud he truly is. There Jesse was pressing 5 plates on the leg machine. Impressive. Joe and I had just completed 10 reps with 14. Nice. Obviously Jesse's a chest man!

Sunday's very special guest star was none other than the Iron Enforcer. The superhero turned super villain from the so-corny-it's-not-that-awful reality show Who Wants to be a Superhero (which Sci-Fi has just picked up for an extended season 2). Accused of bad BO by his fellow castmates, I smelt nothing unsavory when standing near this big boy. However I did wonder where his gun was!

"I Got Scumbagged!"

"And after tonight I'm done making mistakes."

So said Danielle towards the end of stay in the Big Brother house. Continuing to make mistakes however, she was aptly disposed of by her Legion of Doom allies who had not invited to buy property in Chilltown.

By mid-August Big Brother had become way too frustrating for me to watch. Instead I would cache a number of episodes on the Tivo and then watch 3 or 4 in a single sitting. These "All-Stars," a term which I use very loosely, played the game like newbies, and were played by the Chilltown boys in a way that was embarrassing to watch (Janelle especially should be ashamed of herself). The good doctor Will, who probably should have won again, instead lead cohort Boogie to the end, where he unfittingly trounced Erika in the final duel. And yes, Rosie didn't like the outcome either:



Getting back to the current crop of reality shows it's great to have both Survivor and The Amazing Race back on form.

In it's 13th season Survivor may have over-hyped it's 2-episode racial division as a "social experience like never before," but tonight's episode kept me guessing with the ousting of *spoiler* pro volleyball-playing super-hottie JP really coming out of the blue with both gaysian Brad and square-jawed Adam banding with the chicks to vote him off. And yes, I already have my new campfire mug!

The 10th season of The Amazing Race hopefully eradicates the awful memories of the previous two seasons from our minds. Back with many of the classic stereotypes (the feuding couple, girly gays, hot blond chicks, studley models, underdog mommies, and estranged parent-child combos) that make the Race truly a joy to behold. I'm back on the edge of my seat during every episode and close to tears when Phil utters those fateful words "You're the last team to arrive. You have been eliminated from the race."

Darth Who?

N0, I'm not getting myself confused with the good Doctor, Who's new season just began last week on Sci-Fridays (with newcomer David Tennant suffering from regeneration sickness during the phenomenal The Christmas Invasion episode).

Following in the footsteps of Sidious, Maul, Tyranus, and most notoriously Vader, along with the countless other Sith Lords who've littered the novels, comics and computer games of the Expanded Universe, comes the newest Dark Lord.

And this time we get to name him!

During the 9-book Legacy of the Force series, the latest in the line of Random House's Expanded Universe novels, Jacen Solo (Han and Leia's eldest son) succumbs to the dark side of the force after an extended tutelage with Vergere (who?) during his captivity by the Yuuzhan Vong (what?).

Click on over to DarthWho.com, register and submit your entry. The winning name will be revealed in Karen Traviss' novel Sacrifice when it's published in 2007. Stay tuned!

Jay Cutler: Mr. Olympia 2006!!!

That's right boys and girls there's a new Mr. O in the house!

Jay Cutler finally took his rightful place at the top, after four second place finishes since 2001 (he didn't compete in 2002), dethroning 8-time Olympian winner Ronnie Coleman in the process.

"Say good-by to the day of the freaks! We have witnessed more than one man lossing his title... we witnessed the beginning of the end for the mass monsters."

So said a fan on one of the sites, echoing many a response that the Olympian judges were finally rewarding the more astheticly pleasing physiques over the sheer unaldulteread mass monsters (like Ronnie). Still at 280+ pounds Jay ain't no shrimp! But with Victor Martinez, Dexter Jackson and Melvin Anthony filling out the top 5 spots, it certainly looked like symetrey and conditioning won out over sheer mass this year.

Unfortuantly that meant my boy Branch Warren fell to 12th (he ranked 8th in 2005). Clearly having added a whole lot more mass this year, he just wasn't as cut as we've seen him in recent shows (like the 2005 Charlotte and Europa Pros, he took first in both). Branch is a freak of the future. He's got the mass and he can attain the conditioning that one day soon will take him to the top!

And at only 31 Branch has many more years in the sport!