Things I Learnt this Christmas

"Merry Christmas" must be a perfectly fine holiday salutation after all if it is used freely and without abandon in Beverly Hills, CA.

If you are going to make mince pies from scratch, at least do them the justice of buying real ice cream (and not Edy's Slow Churned, 1/2 the fat, Caramel Delight) to eat them with.

Green Bean Casserole is much better made with less than a 1/3 of a cup of milk and an extra can of cut green beans.

A Christmas Story is now shown on TBS, not TNT.

ICON man Brian Wade works out at 24 Hour Arclight as well as Gold's (as do I... Sort of... Well I have two memberships now anyway).

When Will Smith squishes, so do I (as least when watching his latest flick, The Pursuit of Happyness, which with it's obvious ending is maybe at best worth the price of a matinee ticket).

The Nordstrom Half Yearly Sale (for Men) should only be considered a sale if you think $159.00 for a pair of jeans or $55.00 for a T-Shirt cheap.
Watching Fraggle Rock without "The Captain," played by Fulton Mackay, and is a little bit disconcerting.

No matter how much you're craving one of their Spanish Lattes and a slice of chocolate cake, do not go to Urth Caffé on Melrose when there's the possibility of rain (kudos however to the staff for getting those umbrellas out so damn quickly).

A "passing shower" in the rest of the country is considered a "torrential downpour" here in LA.

Pit bull puppies and hummus - not the best combination.

And lastly... Joe has confined himself to the kitchen on all future Christmas Eve's since he's going to have to make those great roast chicken enchiladas year in and year out from now on.

The Deathly Hallows

As in "Harry Potter and the..."

So announced J.K. Rowling through her publisher earlier today.

But what exactly these Deathly Hallows are is yet to be revealed.

What has been leaked however is that *spoiler alert* two more major characters will not make to the end of the novel alive; both hot Quidditch star Viktor Krum and Dolores Umbridge are set to return; Kreacher, Harry's inherited house elf, will play an important role (hence J.K.'s insistence that he appear in the Order of the Phoenix movie); we'll learn lots more significant back story stuff about Peter Pettigrew, Dumbledore, Harry's mum and Aunt Petunia; and most importantly we will finally learn who's side Severus Snape is really on!

What a great Christmas present from one of the richest women in the UK... now, if we only had a publication date...

The Worst is Over...

Or is it?

A week before Christmas and the parties do seem to be slowing to a halt. With the big day on a Monday this year there may be one extra weekend to get in that last minute shopping, but when it comes to events, no one really wants to party.

Friday the 15th was the big one. With the busiest lunch of the year (of about 300 covers, plus the special events in our private dining rooms) upper management was rightfully crazed early that morning. Ultimately the day seemed to proceed without a hitch, nevertheless, it's on days like these, true "Black Fridays," that we in Special Events close the door, keep our heads down, and order super expensive Chinese for lunch.

Those ubiquitous holiday staples, See's Candies, have reared their ugly heads once again (and seriously ladies, you can't expect me to work Saturday, with an open box of chocs at my disposal, and hope to have any left upon your return Monday). Boxes from Harry & David's have made welcome appearances, and even a nice little candy dish from Tiffany's arrived Friday.

One of the more interesting gift's that I have partaken in however was a nice slice of banana bread handcrafted by none other than Buffy's former beau, Riley Finn, aka Marc Blucas. Now while not the nuttiest of loaves, this was one particularly tasty tea bread. I now have my fingers very much crossed for a signed glossy black n' white to add to my collection.

So with no real disasters (OK, so that one guest had to wait for their chicken after a second guest switched from pasta at the last minute... we thought the world was going to end for a moment there), and the only concerns being the strange prevalence of Pink Floyd and The Stones over soothing holiday/dinner, the season is winding down nicely.

Cards have been sent (is it still a faux par to wish people a Merry Christmas?), gifts have been readied, and vacation time has been booked - and yes, this time, it was approved!!!

The Quest for South Coast

South Coast Plaza that is, one of the preeminent malls in the country!

Located down in The OC (Costa Mesa, CA to be precise), South Coast Plaza has over 2.8 million leasable square feet, 280 plus stores and the highest per square foot sales in California (eat your heart out The Beverly Center), from Abercrombie to Zegna, American Eagle to Valentino, this mall seemingly has it all.

The effort getting there however was akin to Frodo and Sam's quest for Mount Doom in The Return of the King.

Starting with traffic at a standstill on the 101 (an abandoned burnt out wreck was strewn across the middle two lanes). And ending with getting lost entering the mall from the wrong direction off of the 5 (rather than the more direct route from the 405). It took us almost three hours to go 47 miles. Oh, and did I mention the blown out tire near Anaheim!

Crossing the Carpool/HOV median we hit something that put a gaping hole in the driver's side back tire. Drifting across the five lanes to the shoulder, we ground to a halt, called MINI Roadside Assistance (that's AAA to you and me), blistered in the heat for 45 minutes waiting for the mechanic, and all the while my little car continued to be buffeted by the air currents of the passing traffic. An unnerving experience to be sure, but less so for me since Joe never told me that people get killed waiting in their cars on Californian highway shoulders.

(And that's the second time I had to call Roadside Assistance this week - my battery went flat Monday when I left the blinkers on for an extended period of time - Oops! Silly me!)

So was the trip to the mall worth the trouble? A few select Godiva truffles, a romantic dinner at Claim Jumper, and being come on to as the "not from around here" muscle boys by the cutie in Quicksilver. Well, a good day was finally had by all.

And it only took us an hour and a half to get home... in the pouring rain... and on the donut!

Family Meal

Sorry Chef Lee, but some of the best food at Spago isn't necessarily found on the regular dining menu.

Fondly known as "Family Meal," this twice daily ritual, served first at 10:30am, then again at 4:30pm, brings the Spago staff (from bussers and dishwashers, to sous chefs and management) together before service begins.

It doesn't matter that we're not getting grilled Carpenter Ranch squab breast or Snake River Kobe beef when there's coconutily spicy chicken curry, melt-in-your-mouth buttered cornbread, damn good corndogs, and the "all white meat" chicken pot pie which... well, it even puts Marie Callender to shame!!!

"Family Meal" is that welcome "second breakfast," after a protein shake and coffee, which entices me into the office in the mornings. It's the perfect "tide-you-over-til-dinner" afternoon snack, which, along with my double-shot latté, I wouldn't make it through the early evenings without. And most importantly, it's certainly helped me bulk this fall, I'm a whopping 196 as of last weigh in!!!

PS - Don't forget to set your Tivos for Chef Lee's upcoming appearance on Bravo's Top Chef.

PPS - I'd never had a corn dog before working at Spago!

2006 Excalibur Championships

The 2006 Excalibur Bodybuilding Championships, another local bodybuilding contest that Joe and I didn't go to, was held this past weekend at the Veteran's Memorial Auditorium just down the road in Culver City, CA.

The winner of both the superheavy weight class and the overall title was a "wee slip of a lad" by the name of Trey Brewer from Atlanta, GA.

Brewer, a former high school star fullback, relinquished the pigskin in favor of the fulltime pursuit of the iron game. Back in 2005 at the tender age of 19, the 6 ft tall, then only 225 pounder, earned an impressive third place finish in the heavyweight division at that year's NPC Teen & Collegiate National Championships behind the crazily coiffed Steve Kuclo.


Now at only 21 years old, not only has Brewer ballooned up into the super heavyweight class (weighing well over 225 lbs), but he's won a major Californian contest that now qualifies him for one of the big national competitions (like the NPC USA or NPC Nationals).

This is one “little one” who can now truly play with the “big boys.”

A Recipe for Candied Yams

Finally there's a reason to celebrate Thanksgiving: my recent discovery earlier this month of Candied Yam at the NPC Nationals Bodybuilding Championships in Miami, Florida.

After an exhaustive web search, all I can make out is that "Candied Yam" is actually one Jeff Long. He competed in the heavy weight class (for lads weighing from 198.50 to 225.25 pounds), and placed 16th (along with 20 other guys - which effectively means he didn't place, only the top 15 are ranked).

Now don't go confusing this Jeff with the other Jeff Long, the nationally ranked (albeit 89th) African American bodybuilder who earned his pro card as a middleweight at the Nationals back in 1995 (Graphic Muscle did).

So that, sadly for the moment, seems to be all there is... so until Candied Yam competes again, enjoy these festive pix!

Alternatively, since yams are a traditional part of the Thanksgiving feast, here's the actual recipe that I'll be trying out this Turkey Day (thank you Essie):

Carmen's Candied Yams

Ingredients:
2 cans canned yams
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
3/4 cup crushed pecans
2 cans evaporated milk
marshmallows to cover

In a large pot, mash the candied yams together with the butter, the evaporated milk and the brown sugar. Finally mix in the pecans and simmer for about 15 to 20 minutes. Transfer the mixture to a casserole dish and top off with the marshmallows.

Bake at 325 degrees for 20 minutes or until the marshmallows begin to brown.

Spoon onto warmed plates, serve immediately, and remember to give thanks for all those "Candied Yams."

What the Frack!

Battlestar Galactic will be moving to Sunday nights when it returns to the airwaves in January (after it's Christmas hiatus). It'll still be on the Sci-Fi Channel at 10pm (and not on NBC as many rumoured), but no longer paired with those other now classic Sci-Friday shows Doctor Who and Stargate SG-1. Instead its lead in will be the new show based on Jim Butcher's best-selling novels, The Dresden Files, about a detective with Harry Potter-esq. abilities (i.e. he’s a wizard).

In it’s new timeslot Battlestar will be facing off against the stiff competition of ABC's Brothers & Sisters (And yes, I jest! Anyone’s who’s watched Sally Field and Calista Flockhart go at it as mother and daughter know the show will barely make it to the end of the season).

For more on the whys and wherefores of this move, click here.

I’m really just glad that Apollo, aka Jamie Bamber (recently featured in People’s 2006 Sexiest Man Alive issue), is no longer wearing the fat suit and is thin again!

Bad, Bad Drugs!

During the 1988 Olympic Games in Seoul, Canadian Ben Johnson beat American "Golden Boy" Carl Lewis to the gold in the 100 meters sprint, the games' premiere event, only to be disqualified three days later when traces of stanozolol (Winstrol) were found in his urine. Johnson admitted to his steroid use, his records were deleted from the books, and he was suspended from the sport.

After a successful pro football career from 1971 to 1985, LA Raiders defensive lineman Lyle Alzado was the first American Football player to admit to the use of anabolic steroids after he had been diagnosed with brain cancer. He claimed that his steroid abuse had caused the disease. Alzado died in 1992 at only 43.

According to Bryant Gumbel and his HBO Real Sports team, these two incidences were the catalysts that made steroid usage the #1 menace that it is today.

In 2000, the writers of the book, The Adonis Complex, claimed that steroid usage can result in serious mood swings, nothing more. In grown men the only side effects ever officially attributed to steroids are acne, breast tenderness, hair loss and an increase in badcholesterol. There have been no long terms studies, and no definitive deaths linked to steroid use.



Before the 1988 Olympics Carl Lewis tested positive three times for banned substances (pseudoephedrine, ephedrine, and phenylpropanolamine).

Alzado's own doctors announced that there was no known connection between the cancer and the steroid usage.

Both the DEA and AMA were resistant to administration insistence that steroids become controlled substances.

Hmmmmm!

The Battle of South Beach: The Results

I'm know you've all been waiting with baited breathe for this past weekend's NPC Nationals Bodybuilding Championship results, so here are bodybuilding's new IFBB pros:

Bantemweight: Randy Jackson, Sr.
Lightweight: Henderson Gordon
Welterweight: Abiu Feliz
Middleweight: Garrett Allin
Light Heavyweight: Stan McQuay
Heavyweight: Lionel Brown
Super Heavyweight & Overall: Desmond Miller

As you see, only one of my three "predictions" came to any fruition, with "pretty boy" Stan taking the light heavies. Stan's win was a controversial one however, as again at the Nationals the judges decisions seemed at odds with the will of the crowd. Runner up Charles Dixon was thought by many, but obviously not the judges, to be the clear winner, coming in bigger, harder and more separated. Now in this case both lads have, arguably, paid their dues, but Stan certainly has the more appealing physique, especially when it comes to attracting a broader, more mainstream audience (and is therefore much more lucrative for the supplement company which ultimately sponsors him). Interesting!

Evan Centopani, many a critics pick for the Overall, instead took second to Desmond Miller in the super heavies. At 5'11" and 245 lbs Evan is one big 24 year old with a great future in the sport. Did he deserve to win the Overall? I think not. The guy certainly needs to work on his legs and could add even more mass to his already massive physique. Should he have beaten Miller? Maybe, at least from the pix I saw (though I know real-time viewing can give one a whole different perspective). Next time Evan, next time!

But I ask you to look at the pictures, didn't the 5'5" 170 plus pounds 42 year old middleweight Garrett Allin actually steal the show? The guy was as thick as shit (and you can't beat a good bald head).

Do the heavies and super heavies always have to win the big prize?

And sadly, no word yet on Candied Yam!

2006 NPC Nationals Weigh In

This weekend the 2006 NPC National Bodybuilding (and Fitness) Championships are being held in Miami Beach, Florida.

The Nationals are arguably the most prestigious amateur bodybuilding contest of the year since the winners of each weight class earn their IFBB pro cards (unlike the USA where only the Overall and a select runner up earn their pro status).

Now you may recall my chitter-chatter about the Nationals last year, when one of my favs, "Mighty" Mike Ergas, was criminally beat out of first place in the heavyweight class, thereby being robbed of his pro card (which he finally did win however at this year's USA). Let's hope there's not a similar judging misstep this time around.

To be honest I've not read too much about this year's competition on the boards. I know pretty boy Stan McQuay is one of the favorites for the Light Heavies (having bulked up from a Middleweight in previous shows). And I do believe that Evan Centopani, the "out of the blue" winner of the Super Heavies and the Overall at the 2006 Juniors, has been getting some good press. I've always be a fan of Seb Zona (formerly know here as "Warm Earth," a color which also happens to be my new bathroom color). Seb has paid his dues over the years and is currently looking pretty damn sick (which is a good thing)!

The weigh in was tonight (hence the pix, thanks Bill Comstock now of Muscular Development), prejudging is tomorrow at 5:30pm, followed by the finals at 7pm on Saturday evening, when the top 15 in each class take to the stage and posedown.

Thats a long weekend of fine tuning and fine tanning, so good luck lads, and may the freakiest, most shredded physiques win!

The Actress & My Nemesis

It's been almost a year now since I left The Farm, and though I haven't kept in touch with the guys liked I hoped too, I still miss them. In the three or so months I worked there, Lilas, Nat, Vic, Paul, et al. made my transition to LA much, much smoother.

One person I always meant to write about, but never got round to (because I suddenly up and quit) was Mary Kate (not Olsen) Shellhardt. You might just remember Mary Kate from such flicks as Apollo 13, What's Eating Gilbert Grape or most especially, Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home. Yes, big movies!

I seemingly mention Mary Kate out of the blue like this because we ran into each other this weekend, waiting for the gym to open (more of that later). We worked together only a couple of times, but one shift we got chatting. Mary Kate explained to me the difficulties of trying to get back into the business after taking time off to get her BFA. Numerous excursions to the Charmed casting couch yielded nothing. Even though she had had prominent roles in big movies she couldn't drop the "child star" thing, and still looking quite so cherubic, even in her twenties, didn't help either. Since we parted ways Mary Kate has had guest spots in Scrubs and NBC's summer show Windfall (no I didn't watch that either), and has a new movie, Mr. Blue Sky, in post production.

With things finally looking up, maybe she'll get to pull Leonardo's hair once more!

Anyway, so we're at the gym ready for it to open at 8am on Saturday morning - along with the two dozen or so other freaks desperate to get their workouts in. Now, I have an excuse, I had to work at 10am (yes, on a Saturday), so Joe and I had a chest routine to get through. But what of these other crazies? Are they that obsessive that they have to be knocking on the gym door at 7:45am? On a Saturday?

And who was waiting there in the crowd? None other than my brand new arch-nemesis! One of the NFBs (No Fat Boys) from Gold's who has since followed me to Arclight. If I worked out at 11, there he was. If I waited until 2, so did he. And now there he is at 8am, primed for his morning pump. And did I mention he has NO FAT (which makes his head look big, but I digress)?

So why is he my arch-nemesis? He just is! Like the good folks on NBC's Heroes, everyone needs a nemesis, they'll make you stronger... and maybe just a tad more neurotic!

Steve Namat - 2006 Border States Champ!

This past weekend, at the Cook Auditorium in Anaheim, former 2004 Hungarian champion Steve Namat took home the overall trophy at this year's 2006 Border States NPC Bodybuilding Classic.

Steve swept the Light Heavy class (with guys ranging from 176 to 198 pounds), the largest of the weight classes that evening. Just earlier in the year, Steve was all swole up to a massive 240 or so pounds, especially massive for only a 5'7" 23 year old.

Known in his native tongue as Németh István, Steve was crowned the Hungarian Champion at 21, weighing in at a svelt 180, but even then he showed great promise with his conditioning, cuts and symmetry.

The Border States Classic, another of top bodybuilding promotor Jon Lindsay's shows (his next being the NPC Exclaibur in Culver City this December), is a "National Qualifying Event," meaning that winners qualify for inclusion in the big amateur shows, the Nationals and the USAs, which may earn them their pro cards (a la Mike Ergas). Steve, or rather István, being a European is sadly ineligible for these shows. He is going to have to go back to Europe to earn his pro status. And it'll happen!

With this recent States-side win, reaction to Steve on the boards has varied from "future pro" to just "another midget on steroids." Along with fellow young foreigner James "Flex" Lewis (fondly known here as Sienna Buff), it is my belief that Steve is certainly going to be a future force to be reckoned with in the sport!

All Hallow's Eve vs. Guy Fawkes

Halloween may very well be my least favourite holiday, if you can even call it a holiday. Really it's nothing more than a "Hallmark Holiday" but without the cards. From crazy costumes to plastic grave stones, glow-in-dark skeletons and all that other crap we're encouraged to spend our hard earned cash on. Come on people candy corn is even nastier than those marshmallow Peeps things at Easter!

When I was a kid in England, Halloween always played second fiddle to Bonfire Night, alternatively known as Guy Fawkes Night. You may even have occasionally heard the rhyme:

Remember, remember, the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot;
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

It was our night for fireworks, sparklers and toffee apples!

No need to dress up, other than warmly. No need to recreate the Village People or those Desperate Housewives. No need to wear some skimpy costume that shows off your chiseled abs and bulging bis. And most notably, no monkey masks (the girls and I were the "See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil" chimps, or monkeys, or whatever they are, today at work).

Just standing there, enthralled as the Guy (dressed in your dad's old clothes) bursts into flames atop the bonfire. Sparklers in hand. Biting into sizzling hotdogs and gooey toffee apples. Watching those burning embers at the end of the evening and trying to find that last piece of wood to throw on the fire and make it last just that little bit longer.

Good, simple times!

Claim #80205: The "Missing" Phone

Maarco and Associates
P.O. Box 6398
Woodland Hills, CA 91365
Attn: Claim Division

Re: Claim # 80205

To Whom It May Concern:

Yesterday evening, Wednesday, October 18, 2006, at approximately 7:45pm/8:00pm we handed over our car, a white Nissan Altima (valet check # 037423) to the California Parking Systems valet people at Joseph’s Café, located at 1775 North Ivar Avenue, Hollywood, CA 90028.

When we picked up the car, at approximately 11:00pm, and upon driving away we found that a blue cell phone (a Sanyo 2300), which we had placed under the passenger seat, was missing. We immediately returned to the valet to ask if a cell phone had been “handed in” (nothing had) and then filled out the appropriate claim form.

I work in the Special Events department at Spago Beverly Hills and deal with the people of Valet Parking Services all the time, so to have this happen is very saddening and disturbing. I will now be without a phone for several days until I purchase and reactivate a new one. All my numbers are lost, and the whole matter is a great and costly inconvenience!

Please let me know how we proceed with this matter. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Matt Harrington

cc: Robert & Joseph Abrahamian, Owners, Joseph’s Cafe

Christmas Comes Very Early!

During one of the Today Show's commercial breaks this morning, Monday, October 23, I saw my first holiday commercial (and by "holiday" I of course mean "Christmas," and even I have succumbed to the the PC pressures of the American people and no longer call Christmas "Christmas").

Those Coffee-Mate people from Nestle are now introducing this year's "special edition" seasonal flavours (Gingerbread, Eggnog, Pumpkin Spice and Peppermint Mocha). Hence the commercial.

It being a chilly 70 plus degrees here in Southern California it's certainly time to think about snuggling up in front of the fire with a steaming gingerbread flavoured cup o' joe.

Target and Rite Aid have both already started stocking for the holidays (ornaments, cards and lights abound - I'm looking for purple lights if anyone can help), so I'm sure the commercials aren't too far behind!!!

Goodbye Sarah Jane!

Battlestar Galactica may be the best show on TV (that no one’s watching), but the real reason to stay home on a Friday night (or at least set your Tivos) is the new season of British cult classic Doctor Who.

The Doctor regenerated at the end of last season from the quirky leather-jacketed Christopher Eccleston to the "geek chic" styling and pinstripe suit wearing David Tennant. Tennant’s 10th Doctor is a little more austere and a little less fun loving that his previous couple of selves, a demeanor more reminiscent of my favorite Doc, #6, Colin Baker.

But let’s go back in time for a moment. One of my first television memories is that of the Doctor (#4, Tom Baker) leaving Sarah Jane Smith in Croydon when he is summoned back to his home world of Gallifrey. Fast forward to last Friday’s second season episode School Reunion which again reunited Sarah and the Doctor (and we learn Sarah was in fact dropped of in Aberdeen, not Croydon).

Current companion/assistant/love interest Rose is jealous of Sarah’s past relationship with the Doctor, reuminating about her role at the Doctor's side and speculating if she too will be abandoned and rejected like Sarah. Naturally the two butt heads throughout the episode until eventually realising how similar they actually are.

Returning to the role that she has embodied off and on for 30 years, Elisabeth Sladen, as Sarah Jane, brings satisfying closure to the character and her relationship with the Doctor. She finally gets to say "Goodbye," and is at last able to embrace her ordinary life. A very touching and tear emoting departure.

Yes, I squished!

(Sarah Jane will be back however, The Sarah Jane Adventures, a second Who spinoff, is set to premiere in 2007).

In other rumours, in his role as Krillitane turned Headmaster Mr. Finch, Anthony (Stewart) Head’s appearance in the series has only fueled fan speculation that he will eventually return as The Master, the Doctor’s longtime Time Lord nemesis. An inspired and perfect casting choice to be sure (and a definite improvement over Eric Roberts).

Unfortunately only time, and Russell T. Davies, will tell.

John Cena is... The Marine!

So Joe and I purchased advance tickets to ensure that we were front and center at the Arclight for the 7:25pm Friday night showing.

The Marine is the first movie to be solely developed by WWE Films (but the second to be released), and not surprisingly the company's current slate of movies all star the best and brightest of the WWE's wrestlers. With such quality backing I'm sure it shocks no-one that this flick isn't exactly Oscar material. That said, it's certainly 93 minutes of fun filled action and adventure, with an explosion of some sort every thirty seconds, so I'm sure it'll satisfy many a wrestling fan.

Sadly John is only shirtless for a fraction of the movie. However more often that not, as discharged marine John Triton, he is soaked to the skin. And my does that grey t-shirt cling perfectly to his bulging biceps and pumped pecs throughout the movie.

Though Mr. Cena gets above the line billing, main baddie Robert Patrick over acts his little black heart out, is given all the best lines (and definitely more lines), and cannily pays homage to his most famous film role, the T-1000.

Lastly there's Mrs John Triton, played by Kelly Carlson, who... well, let's just say Meryl Streep has cause for concern. You all thought Kelly's portrayal of blow-up doll creator turned Scientologist Kimber on Nip/Tuck was real acting.

But back to John, a tad monosyllabic? Sure. A little Neanderthal-esq? You could say so. Needing a little help with his emotional expressiveness.? Certainly. But at 6'1 and 240 lbs, the perfect specimen of a man? Abso-fraking-lutely!

With that faint smile and glint in his eye when he talks, and of course that phenomenal physique, well, I reckon he's got star quality. I certainly left the movie wanting much more of John!

And one last thing, take note Mr. Woo, John would make the perfect He-Man in your upcoming Masters of the Universe movie!

Are you ready for some...?

It's been 13 years and though I really still don't get America's fascination with "football", I have tried:

In '94 I got an internship in the sports department of WUSA 9, DC's CBS affiliate. I was supposed to sit there Sunday afternoons, watch the games and make note of big plays. Needless to say it was a very short lived internship.

During the 1999-2000 season I spent many a rainy Saturday afternoon watching college games, drinking beer and eating Trio pizza with then future roommate Dr. Robbie, a Notre Dame alum and ardent Fighting Irish fan. College boys in tight uniforms, that's pretty hot!

That year's Varsity Blues also found a special place in my heart, or is it really Scott Caan's marvelous ass that I remember so fondly?

And in 2002 I spent Thanksgiving in Dallas, watching the Cowboys thrash the Redskins at Texas Stadium (OK, so it was only 27-20), but as much as I loved the experience, the muscle boys performing in the Cirque du Soleil-esq. halftime show and this one particular hottie on the sideline were the ones that really held my attention.

Tonight, Wednesday, marks the season finale of MTV's Two-A-Days (though my Tivo will preempt the show and instead record Project Runway). Will the boys of Hoover High win another state championship? Will #24 Max be caught short in his skin-hugging Under Armour? And will #34 Alex take his shirt off one last time?

That entire towns can become so entrenched, besotted and only identified by their high school football teams truly amazes, fascinates, and even scares me. It makes me wonder if football is really little more than another "cult," not so unlike Scientology (or any other religion come to think of it) that people worship on Sundays, pour many billions of dollars in to, discuss and debate ad infinitum, but ultimately get very little out of.

Now these strapping young Hoover boys have finished their season, I'll tune into NBC's Friday Nights Lights to get my fix of crazy football worshipping zealots (and young actors pretending to be strapping young players), and hopefully learn more about the mindset of Middle America.

CELEBFLASH: More Muscle Buddies

Friday is leg day, quads actually, and we typically focus on those classic mass builders the leg press and hack squat, with a few hybrid calf supersets thrown in for good measure.

Last Friday's workout was the usual thigh-numbing experience (thankfully followed by a selection of tasty donuts from Winchell's), though the atypical presence of very special guest star, Jesse Metcalf, was a more than pleasant addition to the proceedings.

Now I've run into Jesse before (at the Sprint store on La Cienega where he simply signed in as "Jesse M."), but lifting next to him, I got to see just what a stud he truly is. There Jesse was pressing 5 plates on the leg machine. Impressive. Joe and I had just completed 10 reps with 14. Nice. Obviously Jesse's a chest man!

Sunday's very special guest star was none other than the Iron Enforcer. The superhero turned super villain from the so-corny-it's-not-that-awful reality show Who Wants to be a Superhero (which Sci-Fi has just picked up for an extended season 2). Accused of bad BO by his fellow castmates, I smelt nothing unsavory when standing near this big boy. However I did wonder where his gun was!

"I Got Scumbagged!"

"And after tonight I'm done making mistakes."

So said Danielle towards the end of stay in the Big Brother house. Continuing to make mistakes however, she was aptly disposed of by her Legion of Doom allies who had not invited to buy property in Chilltown.

By mid-August Big Brother had become way too frustrating for me to watch. Instead I would cache a number of episodes on the Tivo and then watch 3 or 4 in a single sitting. These "All-Stars," a term which I use very loosely, played the game like newbies, and were played by the Chilltown boys in a way that was embarrassing to watch (Janelle especially should be ashamed of herself). The good doctor Will, who probably should have won again, instead lead cohort Boogie to the end, where he unfittingly trounced Erika in the final duel. And yes, Rosie didn't like the outcome either:



Getting back to the current crop of reality shows it's great to have both Survivor and The Amazing Race back on form.

In it's 13th season Survivor may have over-hyped it's 2-episode racial division as a "social experience like never before," but tonight's episode kept me guessing with the ousting of *spoiler* pro volleyball-playing super-hottie JP really coming out of the blue with both gaysian Brad and square-jawed Adam banding with the chicks to vote him off. And yes, I already have my new campfire mug!

The 10th season of The Amazing Race hopefully eradicates the awful memories of the previous two seasons from our minds. Back with many of the classic stereotypes (the feuding couple, girly gays, hot blond chicks, studley models, underdog mommies, and estranged parent-child combos) that make the Race truly a joy to behold. I'm back on the edge of my seat during every episode and close to tears when Phil utters those fateful words "You're the last team to arrive. You have been eliminated from the race."

Darth Who?

N0, I'm not getting myself confused with the good Doctor, Who's new season just began last week on Sci-Fridays (with newcomer David Tennant suffering from regeneration sickness during the phenomenal The Christmas Invasion episode).

Following in the footsteps of Sidious, Maul, Tyranus, and most notoriously Vader, along with the countless other Sith Lords who've littered the novels, comics and computer games of the Expanded Universe, comes the newest Dark Lord.

And this time we get to name him!

During the 9-book Legacy of the Force series, the latest in the line of Random House's Expanded Universe novels, Jacen Solo (Han and Leia's eldest son) succumbs to the dark side of the force after an extended tutelage with Vergere (who?) during his captivity by the Yuuzhan Vong (what?).

Click on over to DarthWho.com, register and submit your entry. The winning name will be revealed in Karen Traviss' novel Sacrifice when it's published in 2007. Stay tuned!

Jay Cutler: Mr. Olympia 2006!!!

That's right boys and girls there's a new Mr. O in the house!

Jay Cutler finally took his rightful place at the top, after four second place finishes since 2001 (he didn't compete in 2002), dethroning 8-time Olympian winner Ronnie Coleman in the process.

"Say good-by to the day of the freaks! We have witnessed more than one man lossing his title... we witnessed the beginning of the end for the mass monsters."

So said a fan on one of the sites, echoing many a response that the Olympian judges were finally rewarding the more astheticly pleasing physiques over the sheer unaldulteread mass monsters (like Ronnie). Still at 280+ pounds Jay ain't no shrimp! But with Victor Martinez, Dexter Jackson and Melvin Anthony filling out the top 5 spots, it certainly looked like symetrey and conditioning won out over sheer mass this year.

Unfortuantly that meant my boy Branch Warren fell to 12th (he ranked 8th in 2005). Clearly having added a whole lot more mass this year, he just wasn't as cut as we've seen him in recent shows (like the 2005 Charlotte and Europa Pros, he took first in both). Branch is a freak of the future. He's got the mass and he can attain the conditioning that one day soon will take him to the top!

And at only 31 Branch has many more years in the sport!

Bye Bye Blade!

*Sob*

Yes, it looks like Spike TV has put the spike in Blade, the recent TV series based on the movies and the Marvel character of the same name. The news, originally leaked by Jill Wagner, who played the double-agent vampire Krista, was made official by the channel earlier today, as reported here by Sci-Fi Wire.

While yes, the pilot was pretty lame, and the acting not exactly the best, (especially rapper Sticky Fingaz who simply mimicked Wesley Snipes rather than trying to make the title character his own), the storyline, featuring the House of Chthon (and the spectacularly evil Chase), developed dramatically over the season. I for one am sad to see the show dumped so unceremoniously.

More importantly however, how does this now bode for the newly released comic book series which had revamped itself to appeal to fans of the movies and TV series, rather than it's previous comic incarnations? Only time (and sales) will tell!

In other Marvel news, Robert Downey Jr. has been cast to play Tony "Iron Man" Stark in the upcoming 2008 movie by ex-Swinger turned director Jon Favreau. An interesting choice to be sure! I'm sure the fans will be foaming at their mouths over this one. It was oft rumored that Tom Cruise was very interested in the role, but his recent split with Paramount ended that pipedream didn't it?

CELEBFLASH: Show Me the Muscle

Back in the mid 90's when I came to the States, both Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place were in the shows to watch. Teens and twentysomethings gathered around their TV sets eagerly anticipating what wicked and vindictive acts Brenda and Amanda would inflict upon their fellow castmates.

In 1994, for Melrose's 2nd season finale I gathered with friends, and a large selection of snacky foods, to watch the highly anticipated kiss between Matt, the gay-on-paper-only character, and some hunky guest star. After hyping the hell out of this kiss, FOX unceremoniously cut it, leaving us instead with a slow-mo shot of Matt going in for the kill!

Kiss or no kiss, Matt was still the most boring character on the show, and I had not come out yet, but I was strangely enamoured with resident bad boy Jake Hanson. Like 90210's Kelly I would have followed Jake to ends of the earth... well, to West Hollywood anyway.

Cut to the 24 Hour Fitness at Arclight, 12 years later. There I am working out next to Jake Hanson himself, Grant Show, still looking surprisingly buff and chiseled.

The only reason I tuned in to FOX's quickly-cancelled 2005 supernatural drama Point Pleasant was because of Show and his portrayal of the devilish Lucas Boyd, a character particularly similar to one Lucas Buck from 1995's American Gothic, played by Gary Cole, who I coincidently work out next to at Gold's!