Selasa, 11 Oktober 2005

The Mailroom!

I had a surreal little experience today when I ended up in the mailroom of the William Morris Agency, the famed talent agency which represents the likes of Hillary Swank, Lucy Liu, Pete Sampras, Rachel Griffiths, and Jackie Chan.

For the uninformed, the mailroom is the breeding ground for future high-flying agents seeking to rep the next Macy Gray or Macaulay Culkin. These kids were dressed to the nines in designer suits and ties, with their hair just so. There they are, crammed into one of the smallest, nastiest mailrooms ever, stuck in the basement with not a window to be seen! And they all looked bored to bloody tears!

Recent woes has lead to the defection of stars like Sarah Michelle Gellar, Halle Berry and Reese Witherspoon. But when you have Macaulay and Macy, who needs these girls, right?

Kamis, 06 Oktober 2005

You Are Scheduled for Service...

Between 8:00am and 11:00am. Or so they make you think. And yet... you know they're not going to get to you then, though you think this time might just be different, and again you give them the benefit of the doubt. Oh, foolish, foolish man!

The Home Depot people were scheduled to come by today to fix the flooring that they had inadvertently installed incorrectly the first time.

10:45am: Call to say he'll be there in 15 minutes.

11:36am: Arrival time, only then do we discover he was supposed to bring the wood with him. Off he goes to fetch them.

12:25pm: Back from the store. How long the job will take? Just a half hour he thinks, no problem.

2:38pm: The job is finished.

I got up early and walked the pup (stopping for one of Coffee Bean's delicious Dulce de Leche Lattes) so I could be at home ready for these guys. I thought I'd make it to the gym (for a heavy arm day), run some other errands, maybe even tan before going into work at 4:00pm. Unfortunately, my whole day was pretty much wasted waiting around. All I did was clear 4 hours of shows from the TiVo. And since I took my shot this morning, I've been super jacked up all day (which going to the gym usually alleviates).

Great! Great day!!!

(Someone else having a heavy arm day... certainly not me!!! BTW, if that guy above was my handyman, do you really think I'd be bothered about all this?)

Rabu, 05 Oktober 2005

Diarrhea of the Mind

I got a little food poisoning this weekend. Nothing too serious, just stomach cramps, continual bouts of diarrhea and general lethargy. It lasted a little more than 24 hours and I know exactly where I got it from... a dodgy burger with jack and gruyere cheeses, and a small side salad of mixed greens with some (nasty) ranch dressing, that I had Friday evening.

This inconvenience affected, or effected (whichever) my whole weekend. I was particularly off at dinner Saturday evening. We met at Joe's on Abbot Kinney Blvd. in Venice. Four hungry lads, a Saturday night, no reservation... Great! After an hour or so wait the Californian/French cuisine (small portions; fresh, eclectic ingredients) didn't exactly hit the spot. And then... The nut allergy experience... Time to go!

At work on Sunday I kept having to go to the bathroom. Anyone who knows me knows I don't do public restrooms unless extremely necessary (I once almost passed out, back in my Insignia days, from putting off the inevitable. I hated using the gents, the way the guys talked to each other through the stalls, being seen through the slits in the modular walls, newspapers strewn all over the place, and of course, having to place your ass where someone else has just rested theirs... UGH!). Ultimately, I felt like crap all day, bathroom usage or not, so I didn't make it over to WeHo Mark's for his boy's birthday. Sorry guys!

CELEBFLASH: I didn't know Sydney Bristow's dad was a big 'mo! He always plays those strong stoic sorts! However, after looking over his IMDB profile, Victor Garber once played Liberace... Oops!

My favorite bodybuilder, Branch Warren, just won his 2nd professional contest this past weekend, the 2005 Charlotte Pro, Bulk Nutrition Show.

At approximately 5'7" and 250lbs he is one BIG BOY!!! No neck, veins popping, legs like treetrunks... Cue pic... Crazy, but really sorta hot!

Kamis, 29 September 2005

MisMatched Antics... Better Late Than Never

I've been so very busy meeting Buffy and consulting my horoscope, that I've been somewhat lax on getting the "what's been going on in WeHo" news out there.

Remember Dennis (pictured left)? And his suggestion that we go to The MisMatch Game. Well, we went! It was actually the same night that we went to iCandy and saw Rusty Joiner (And I blogged about that first??? That shows where my priorities lay doesn't it?).

Managing to get a Friday night off of work (a triumph in itself), off we went in the Mini to the Gay and Lesbian Center's Renberg Theatre somewhere in Hollywood (this is just the kind of space they are hoping to develop back in DC, but you know with all the politicking and egos involved there they'll just "f" it up).

The night was a blast, though I should have blogged it earlier, I've forgotten all of the good punchlines, and never did by a souvenir response card to jog my memory.

My one big disappointment, where was original Match Game stalwart Brett Somers? Thankfully pipe-smoking Charles Nelson Reilly (played by Kathy Griffin's other "Main Gay", Tony Tripoli, who's always at the gym with Trainer Bobby), along with Miss Piggy and Nancy Kulp (Ms. Hathaway from The Beverly Hillbillies ... yeah, that took me a while as well) soon made me forgive Brett's absence. Evie Harris (who she?) was sufficiently cheap and dirty, and while Ricardo Montalban tried hard (but still failed), Shelley Winters really had no right being there (Oscars or not).

As full of double entendres as the original Match Game and Blankty Blank (the British version which I grew up with) were, this MisMatch game was certainly not suitable for family viewing. It started a little slow (the first contestants didn't realise their answers were supposed to be peppered with topical, gay, sexually graphic innuendos), but picked up quickly, and then there was no stopping the celebrity panelists as the smut came thick and fast (especially from the pig).

Hilarity ensued and a friend of WeHo Mark’s got picked as a contestant, and even got into the finals. The boys told me they’d put my name into the mix to get me up there, so I could meet Dennis. (Un)fortunately I wasn’t picked, but I would have given some damn good answers I can tell you!

So, I didn't get to meet Dennis. When they were selling the response cards after the show there was such a glut of gay boyz, it was just too much and I thought I'd just look like a ninny introducing myself as "I'm Matt in LA and I write the Misadventures blog."

Oh well, so much for getting invited to Kathy's Toy for Tots holiday party this year!

Rabu, 28 September 2005

Not So Crabby

Ying and Yangs. Feng Shui masters. Kabbalahan strings. They have it all here in the City of Angels. But none more so than the tried and true, found in every local paper, astrological guides, or simply put, the daily horoscope.

On numerous occasions since moving here people have asked (even in an interview), "So, what's your star sign?" or "You're a Cancer aren't you?" and when I nod in agreement, their response goes something along the lines of, "I thought so!", "Yes! I could tell!" or a simple "Oh!" followed by a sigh!

Being a little perturbed by these responses, I thought it best to do some research, to find out what being a Cancerian meant to these people. Here is what I found:

"Cancerians are not easy to understand, for their moods often fluctuates from sweet to cranky. They can be untidy, sulky, devious, moody, and inclined to self-pity because of an inferiority complex. A typical Cancerian broods on insults. They also tend to change their opinions and, indeed, their occupations, and lack stability. Cancer people are apt to do the opposite from what they are advised to do."

"[Cancerians] are rather close-minded and opinionated. They have a retentive memory, and rarely forgive slights and hurts. With a tendency toward chronic complaining, a Cancerian will never let you forget an error… They are over-imaginative and prone to be a victim of fantasy. They have a flair for the dramatic… By nature, very giving and selfless, they need to be aware of falling into the role of martyr in certain situations."

Cancerians, "the most perplexing of the signs," but basically perceived to be unstable over-emotional basketcases, who cling to their mum's apron strings, rarely leave the house and have something of a martyr complex!!!

OK, so I'll admit to being a tad sensitive (I sobbed when Casper became a real boy and danced with Christina Ricci at the end of the movie), I'm obviously intuitive (see Day 113), paternal (I do love my puppy), untidy (I like to refer to it as "organized piles"), a bit of a homebody (when you have TiVo why leave the house), even somewhat of a whiner (ask Brian)...

But the rest of it... Phooey!

Opinionated and always right? I don't think so!

An emotional basketcase? Certainly not!

A brooding drama queen? Not on your life!

I do occasionally glance at my own horoscope, and I can see some correlation in what I'm supposed to be and what I actually am. But this whole notion that the positioning of the stars has made be what I am just doesn't ring true.

So, LA people, I know you all get caught up in these fads (be it diet, exercise, spirituality or wotnot), but remember, "moderation is the key." It's a bit of fun to see if you're going to win some money or fall into or out of love, not a defining lifestyle choice!

FYI other notable (manly man) crabs include Vin Diesel, Sylvester Stallone, Harrison Ford, Kris Kristofferson and David Hasselhoff!

(And for those wondering just how the pictures relate to this post... the pose these three boys are doing is known as "the crab shot")

Minggu, 25 September 2005

CELEBFLASH ULTRA: BUFFY!!!

As regular readers will have noticed, I "catalogue" pretty much all my celebrity sightings here on Misadventures. I'm not necessarily a fan of these people, few of them really float my boat, it's just that I'm a small town boy from the England, who's always been enamored with television and the movies. I recognize them and (hopefully) make witty little asides. The list of "stars" I would really care to see is pretty damn short. Really!

Well, today I hit an absolute high. Maybe even the top of the ladder...

Buffy, the bloody, Vampire Slayer!!!



Sarah Michelle Gellar herself... in the flesh... no Freddie Prince (not that I care).

She's standing in line at the restaurant to get on the waiting list. I turn, see her and my knees go weak. I seriously cannot move!

Cut to: A bit later.

Her party is seated (she's with her mum and some friends), and I overhear her asking Natalie for crayons for the kid with her. It just happens today is the day we're crayonless, but being the manager I find some, take them over, and just start to gush!

It's all a blur, but it went something like this:

"I know this is unprofessional, and I've never done this sort of thing before, but I really wanted to say that I love your work. I just moved from Washington, DC and you were at the top of my list of people I wanted to see. I love everything you've done. I love Buffy! Thank you!"

Her friend makes some joke: "You think that's?... She's my cousin Bertha."
Sarah Michelle: "Big Bertha they used to call me."
Me: "Don't even kid with me on this one. My knees are knocking! Meeting you has just made my entire week."

I get a bunch of "Thank yous" and "You're so sweet" and I finally leave them to their lunch. My heart is racing, the knees still knocking, and I'm almost on the verge of tears (uh?).

Cut again to: Some time later.

I'm doing some managerial sorta stuff at one of the terminals, and Sarah Michelle's mum comes up to me and asks if I had anything I wanted Sarah to sign, Sarah was just wondering? WOW! Of course, no DVD, no MOC action figure, not even a decent piece of paper. I grab a pen, tear a bit of paper out of the receipt terminal and head on over.

Matt -
It was so nice to meet you.
Best wishes,
Sarah Michelle

I gush some more, say thanks and byes, and shake her hand.

And I'm floored. WOW again! How nice and sweet, and... well, that whole expereince just blew me a-bloody-way!!!

Now, if only Spike were to show himself....

Kamis, 22 September 2005

CELEBFLASH: Real Eye Candy?

For a CelebFlash post, this one's really pushing the boundaries... but these guys of Reality TV have worked hard on their 15 minutes of fame, so shouldn't I at least acknowledge their efforts:

My 4th Iconman was my biggest disappointment so far. Rusty Joiner, famed for winning the Structure Underwear Contest back in 1999, now bartends at local WeHo bar, iCandy. Brian and I both thought he looked like crap. Admittedly, he was all ripped and buff and that, but his face was that of a tired, aging, hardened partier. Then again, who am I to judge? I didn't "star" in Dodgeball!



Another dodgeballer, Mark Long plays for the Reef Sharks on GSN's Extreme Dodgeball. Never seen that? Me neither, but I'm sure you'll remember him from MTV's Road Rules 1, and the numerous challenges he's been in. Yeah, he's the old timer who pals around with Eric Nies - who I'd much rather have run in to.

Big Brother 3 and TV/Internet whore Marcellous Reynolds seemed just as smarmy in real life as he did when he was stuck in the Big Brother house. Why can't hot fireman Eric host Housecalls instead of this guy?


Lastly we have Scott, the supergay assistant and stylist wannabe from Blowout. (I told you this CelebFlash was going to be a bit of a stretch).